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Last Orders: Porno Paul

00:51 25th October 2008 by Sidewalk Magazine
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This weeks Last Orders comes from Kill City associate and self appointed ‘boss number two’ Porno Paul, who’s currently on the road with Pritchard and Dainton as part of their UK tour.

In fact, the following came prefaced by this little message: ‘Hope this is OK, done it in a rush while wearing a Lonsdale jacket and a baby blue beanie and some trackie bottoms. I look like a right chav.’

Enjoy…

Last…

Person you introduced yourself as ‘Porno’ to: A women from some posh model agency in London. Me and my new best friend Ian Passmore were pretending we were in the porn business…didn’t go down well.

Drink you ordered: Hmmm? Probably vodka and redbull? But being a tour bum boy with Dainton I got it free. Ooooo wackey!

Person you spoke to: Jerome, we had the Welsh premiere of the new Anti-hero and Girl video in my house, it was so romantic. Just the two of us, candle lit dinner, champagne, the works.

Trick you filmed: Can’t remember the last time I filmed a trick, but the last trick I filmed was probably on that Nueu tour, Manhead-Fs feeble at Prissick on the rail. Yeah me!(not Manhead)

Photo you shot: If you mean photo I took? Probably my Dad (Big John) welding a door in my backyard on my phone.
If you mean one of me skating? Was probably a nosebonk on a bench, thanks Walton – you complete me.

Country you visited: Does England count? Because it’s a separate country from Wales? If not, Spain with all the crome domes earlier this summer. Sebastian I miss you.

Thing you skated in your hometown: Probably the new outdoor skatepark…named ‘the edge’ because all skateboarders are wackey, edgey students!

Skate event you travelled to: UK Champs, it was so good. I saw the love of my life again there…

Trick you learnt: Contrary to peoples believes, it was backside sugarcanes…don’t tell the forum!

Trick you lost: Blunt fakies, had them once in my life for a week, now there gone, just like Pritch’s sleeves. GONE!!!

Book you read: When I was 11 in junior school, ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ – I read it and when Aslan died, I cryed. It takes being a man to admit that.

Piece of advice you received:
’Porno stop texting me before I get the police involved’ – I didn’t like her anyway.

Song you sang along to: “This is How We Do It” – Montell Jordan. Such a funky jive number to sing along to, it proper gets your throat using all its muscles.

Film you watched and enjoyed: Rocky, I have the box set and I watch all of them at least once a month, it’s a ritual now. Proper gets me amped on life. Sylvester Stallone, if your reading this, why haven’t you facebooked me back? I’ll keep poking you until you do.

Film you watched and hated: That other one with Johhny Depp in were he’s singing and dancing. “Sweeney Todd” that’s it. What a waste of my time. Such a gay film, it really ruined my expectations of my good friend Johhny. We’re not talking now.

Skate video you watched from start to finish: The new Anti-hero and Girl video.

Channel you watched: (I added this one)Sky channel 955 – Essex Babes. I suggest you watch it past 9 its when they get there chesticals out. Don’t phone them though it costs £1.50 a minute.

Website visited: www.have.co.uk

Thing you downloaded: Jonla Joie – ‘Everyday Normal Guy’. Such a good song.

Clip watched on YouTube: Taff Wars – episode 35 ‘Dai versus Yanto’. For all the English reading this, seriously get into watching Taff Wars – it’s a spot on description of the valleys. CROME DOME!

Time you cried laughing: A chav down the skatepark fell down the vert wall backwards, was so funny, everybody was a winner that day.

Memorable thing that Nicky Howells said to you: There are so many things he’s said to me, I could seriously right a book. Actually in Spain when a random traveler called Sebastian tried staying with us in our room and we had to kick him out, but Nicky was in love with him and he was saying stuff like ‘if it wasn’t for Chris’s photo equipment, my really good mate Bas (nickys nickname for Sebastian) could of happily stayed in my bed with me’. It’s one of those moments which will always be with me.

Time Dainton wanted to kill you: Throwing sweet mash potato round his hotel room after a heavy night, he said he picked me up by my nose but I can’t remember so for all I know he could of picked me up by another hole in my body.

Skateboarder who impressed you: Nev at UK champs.Really enjoyed watching him skate. Also watching Dainton bringing back backside 360’s on mini ramp. Have it skate coach!

Time you said “never again”: Waking up in a bed with a bowling ball, sweet mash potatoe everywere, and sick in a bucket next to my bed. And my favourite boxers were soaked through…

Item of importance that you lost: Most definitely an Action Man when I was really young, you know when you have those ‘bring your favourite toy to school day’, yeah? Well I brought an Action Man, I left it on my desk and came back and it wasn’t there. I know it isn’t that important know but back then it was, it’s also what I blame for years of mental torture and so fourth…etc…

Time you feared for your life: Well it wasn’t my life but my sight. Once again down the skatepark, it was just as it opened and all the concrete dust was still about,you kinow like that silty stuff. Well I was skating and a big gust of wind blew loads into my face and I had really watery eyes. I couldn’t open my eyes so I sat there thinking in my mind ‘the dust is going to mix with the water in my eyes and set and make me blind’ so I sat there quietly for a bit shitting myself. It was OK after a while, my eyes just really stung.

Kill City Amateurs at War of the Thistles:


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